Prank Warfare
by Onedergirl
Summary: War between Gryffindor and Slytherin **Chapter Eight added 02/11**
1. First Strike

Untitled Document

_A/N: This is a story idea that's been begging to be written for a week or so. I like the concept, but I'm not sure where it will go from here or, in fact, if it will go anywhere at all. Not even sure if this will have any romance. Let me know if you guys think this is worth being continued. I'm also curious to see (if you think I should continue to write this) what you think I should do with it. Oh, and this has absolutely nothing to do with my other stories. Ok, here it is then._

_Disclaimer: I own the character of Larissa. Everything else is JKR's, and I wouldn't think to earn any money off of it._

Prank Warfare

by Onedergirl

Chapter One

First Strike

"Are you done yet?"

"Shh! Almost. I just have to finish with his hair. I could use some help here. Do the sparkles."

"Sure."

"How's the common room look?"

A small snicker broke the quiet. "Just like we planned. I put up the red and gold draperies, and even stuck a lion or two around."

There was another snicker. "Perfect. Those Slytherins'll be pissed when they wake up."

"Shh! Yeah, I know. Wish we could be here to see it."

"Yeah, me too."

"Luckily, I thought to ask Colin to borrow his camera, and I got some photos of it."

"That was smart thinking."

There was a slight pause that was filled with mumbled charms. "K, Let's get out of here."

"Right."

***

The two sixth year Gryffindors quickly headed away from Draco Malfoy's bed, as quietly as they had come. Once they got back to their own common room, they burst into the laughter that had threatened to burst forth.

"Oh. My. Stars! I wish we could see the looks on their faces when they wake up tomorrow morning!" Ginny Weasley wheezed, laughing so hard she almost couldn't speak.

Her partner in crime and fellow sixth year Gryffindor Larissa Devlin laughed almost as hard. "I'm just glad you brought the camera. I would never have thought of that!"

"I'm a genius, I know."

The two girls looked at each other and laughed even harder. Larissa finally managed to calm down enough to say, "Yeah, well, I'm the one who thought of the pig latin curse. I'd like to see him try and insult someone tomorrow."

Ginny almost died as a mental image of Draco Malfoy insulting Harry Potter in pig latin jumped in her mind. It took her a few moments to calm down enough to say anything in response. "That's true. That was a stroke of brilliance, that."

"I sure had fun doing this tonight." Her voice adopted a posh accent. "Splendid job on the sparkles, m'dear. Splendid indeed."

"Why thank you Ms. Devlin," Ginny replied, with the same accent. "Simply marvelous job on the pink hair. Stunning, simply stunning."

"Thank you Ms. Weasley. It's been a wholly extraordinary experience." The two girls giggled again, both reliving the way Malfoy had looked when they'd left him-long pink hair that glittered with silver sparkles. It was some time before they calmed down.

"Well, Issa, we'd better get to bed, I suppose." Ginny regretted that their night had to end, but at least they hadn't been caught.

"I guess you're right," she answered, a small sigh escaping her. They both got up and walked to the door that led to the girls' dorm. Before they walked into their dorm, Larissa stopped Ginny and looked at her seriously. "Do you think this will do any good?"

Ginny sighed, a wry smile on her lips. "No. Draco will always torment Ron and Hermione-"

"-And Harry," Larissa added, knowing the real reason that had prompted Ginny to pull a prank on Draco Malfoy.

"Yeah, and Harry," Ginny confirmed, "but maybe he'll think twice before he does it again."

"If I believed that, I'd accept a date from a Slytherin."

"Oh I don't know, Neil Alexander's pretty good looking."

She watched as Larissa flushed a slight shade of red, and Ginny couldn't help but grin. If her weaknesses related to Harry Potter, than Larissa's related to good-looking bad boys like Neil Alexander and Draco Malfoy. Ginny punched her lightly on the shoulder before pushing open the door to their room. "C'mon, tomorrow's going to be interesting. Let's get some sleep."

***

As far as Ginny was concerned, the next day came way too soon. She'd barely slipped off to sleep before she'd been shaken awake by an anxious Larissa, the message clear: _get dressed quick so we don't miss the show_. 

Ginny broke a couple of personal records that morning as she rushed around getting ready for breakfast. Larissa was already dressed and as soon as Ginny was ready, the two of them headed down to breakfast. They managed to get there before most of the Slytherins, and the ones who were already down there were grumbling about the way their common room had looked when they'd woken up that morning. As a result, they were glaring murderously at all of the Gryffindors, all of whom had no idea-beyond the usual Slytherin hostility-why they were so upset. Both Ginny and Larissa had to fight from either laughing or bragging about what they had done. They were mostly successful, until Draco Malfoy walked into the room.

Activity in the Great Hall ceased the moment that he walked in. It was easy to see why. He looked normal . . . except for the fact that his normally perfect white-blonde hair was now shoulder-length and pink, with sparkles in it that seemed to catch all the torchlight in the room. For a few seconds, no one said anything, just staring at him. He looked darkly around him, before speaking. "Hat-way are ou-yah all ooking-lay at?"

There was a moment of stunned silence before the confused murmurs began, the populace of the Great Hall attempting to decipher what, exactly, he had said. The quiet laughter that soon followed started at the Gryffindor table, but quickly spread to the Hufflepuffs. The Ravenclaws, in an attempt at diplomacy, coughed quietly and smiled discreetly. The laughter at the Gryffindor table got louder when Draco turned around and glared at the people who were laughing. Under normal circumstances, this would have been effective, but it was just too much, what with his new look. 

Thus it went for most of breakfast. The laughter would start to die down, but then someone would remember just what Draco Malfoy looked like, and what he had said, and then it would start up again, spreading through the Great Hall like wildfire, until even the Ravenclaws were having trouble keeping straight faces. Ginny was rather disappointed that Ron, Harry and Hermione weren't here to see it, but she knew they'd eventually hear about it, if they didn't experience it first hand.

She watched as Draco got up to leave the Great Hall, and nudged Larissa. The two got up and followed-at a safe and discreet distance. They had just left the Great Hall and were heading towards the Slytherin common room when Ginny spotted Harry, Ron, and Hermione walking towards them. Hermione was the first to notice that something was . . . different about Draco, and she quickly nudged Harry and Ron-who had been discussing Quidditch-and nodded her head towards Malfoy. They saw him and halted in their tracks, looking rather bewildered.

Draco noticed them staring at him and walked over to them, clearly ready to start something. "If it isn't Otter-pay, Easel-way and Udblood-may," he sneered, obviously expecting to get them riled.

They just looked at him. Harry finally spoke, trying to conceal a grin. "What'd you say Malfoy?" Ron and Hermione, too, were trying not to laugh.

"I as-way ust-jay aying-say hat-tey-"

"Nice hair, Malfoy," Ron interrupted, letting a little laugh out.

"Ut-shay up, Easley-way! Is-they is all our-yay ault-fay. Ou-yay id-day is-they!"

His response was three snickers.

"I'll et-gay ou-yay or-fay is-they!" Malfoy roared.

The snickering turned into laughter. 

Ginny could tell, even from her vantagepoint some feet away, that Malfoy was really upset at this response. She grinned over at Larissa, and turned back to watch. She didn't want to miss this.

Malfoy was trying hard to gain control over the situation. "I'm oing-gay o-tay y-may ather-fay all about is-they, and e'll-hay ee-say at-they ou-yay are xpelled-ey!"

Hermione was clutching her stomach, tears rolling down her face. Ron was doubled over, wheezing for air. Harry was leaning up against the wall, pounding one fist helplessly against it. If not for the uproarious laughter, one might have thought they were in trouble or hurt.

Malfoy silently fumed, glaring at the helpless trio. He would have cursed them, but he couldn't speak correctly to say a curse. So he left them with a parting shot. "I'll et-gay ou-yay or-fay is-they." It only succeeded in causing them to laugh harder. He turned and walked briskly away, towards the Hospital Wing.

Ginny and Larissa grinned at each other and gave each other a high five. _Success!  
_


	2. Retaliation

hp_pw2

_A/N: Inspiration struck (and, consequently, bruised) last night, so I've decided to at least write another few chapters of this, just to see if I can write straight humor (bit of an oxymoron, that is ;). Anyway, here's the next bit._

_Disclaimer: See Chapter One._

Prank Warfare

by Onedergirl

Chapter Two

Retaliation

It had been a rather unpleasant week for Draco Malfoy. Though his afflictions had been promptly treated by Madam Pomfrey, he'd been constantly teased--particularly by the Gryffindors--whenever he walked through the halls. Most of the time, they would catcall in Pig Latin, but sometimes the girls would come up to him and ask him how he'd gotten his hair that shade of pink.

Needless to say, he'd had a bad week, and he was out for blood. He'd briefly considered telling his father and letting him handle it, but he'd abandoned that idea about two seconds later, when he realized that he'd have to tell his father that he'd been bested by a couple of Gryffindors--which included a half-blood and a Mudblood. That would never do. So he'd set his mind on revenge and after a week of studying, he'd come up with just the right spell. Right now, he was waiting for Crabbe to bring Pansy and Neil around, so he could get their help, as this would require more than one spell.

He didn't wait long. Just then, Crabbe, Neil Alexander, and Pansy Parkington came through the entrance to the Slytherin common room and sat down with him and Goyle. As it was late at night, they had the room to themselves.

"Ok, you lot know why we're here."

"Yeah, because a coupla Gryffindors made a mockery of you."

Draco glared darkly at Neil, but Neil seemed unaffected by it. Draco continued, despite the interruption. "It's time we show those Gryffindor scum who their betters are. And I have a plan. So listen closely . . . ."

***

The Great Hall was a buzz with the usual morning activity the next day. The Gryffindors, who had been gloating for the last week at the Slytherin table--particularly after they had found out that the entire Slytherin common room had been decked out in the red and gold of Gryffindor--were still smiling smugly at the Slytherins. Only Ginny Weasley and Larissa Devlin were worried about if and how the Slytherins would retaliate.

"Look at 'em!" Larissa whispered to Ginny, nodding her head at the Slytherin table. "They look too pleased with themselves."

"I know what you mean," Ginny whispered back. "Especially Malfoy. I haven't seen him look that smug since Snape took off 100 points from Gryffindor a month ago!" Ginny paused and looked closer at the Slytherins. "I have a bad feeling about this. They're gonna try and get us back today."

"I was beginning to think the same thing."

Whatever Ginny had planned to say in response to this was never said as she and Larissa watched with horror as five of the Slytherins brought out their wands, pointed them at the Gryffindors, and started speaking.

The Gryffindors never knew what hit them. One minute, they had been sitting there, chatting with their friends about their classes and still gloating over the humiliation that Draco Malfoy and the rest of the Slytherins had endured a week ago, and the next minute they were dancing.

It was a rather lavish and organized dance number that recalled the hey day of the Hollywood movie musical. Most of the Gryffindors were dancing in a chorus line that would have made Busby Berkeley jealous, while singing a rather catchy tune about Pure Bloods and Slytherins that Draco bragged later on he had written himself. 

The piece de resistance was the fact that Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley--who had been the closest Gryffindor girl--were dancing a ballroom number on the table that put a lot of the muggle-borns in mind of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. They were being serenaded by Ron Weasley on ukelele and Hermione Granger on accordian. The production hit a climax when Fred dipped Ginger--er, Harry dipped Ginny and kissed her.

The music stopped and the Gryffindors stared at each other, totally stunned by what had just happened. The Slytherins were in hysterics, applauding and catcalling, while the Hufflepuffs and the Ravenclaws were rather unsure how to act--torn between the impulse to laugh and applaud, and their sympathy for the Gryffindors. 

Shame-faced and more than a little embarrassed, the Gryffindors tried to maintain some dignity by quietly sitting back down and acting as though they had not just sang and danced in front of the entire school. Ginny, red-faced from exertion and embarrassment, hid her face in her arms. Not only had she been humiliated by the Slytherins, but she had had to do so with Harry. And to make things worse, he had been forced to kiss her. She could die right then and there. Larissa seemed to understand what Ginny was going through, and merely patted her reassuringly on the back. 

As she looked over at the Slytherin table to glare at them, she noticed Harry Potter walk over. He too look red-faced, but instead of shame or embarrassment, he was obviously very angry. He stopped and saw the state that Ginny was in, then patted her on the back and said quietly, "don't worry, Gin. We'll get them back for this." He then walked over to Ron and Hermione, and the three left the Great Hall, amidst jeers from the Slytherin table.

Ginny raised her head and looked over at Larissa, her face determined, though still very red. "I hope he knows what he's doing," she murmured to her friend, who merely nodded in agreement.

"Me too," she answered.


	3. Rallying the Troops

A/

_A/N: Happy Easter everyone! Well, I'm continuing with this because it's been coming to me rather easily, plus it's been really fun to write. This part really reflects my fascination with World War One, particularly before the war actually began. Anyway, this part might get a little confusing, so I color coded it (I hope that turns out!). Red is Gryffindor and green is Slytherin. Black is what is being said in both places. Just in case that doesn't turn out, italics are Gryffindor, bold is Slytherin and underlined is both. Also, this part is a little less humor, a little more serious._

_Disclaimer: See Chapter One._

Prank Warfare

by Onedergirl

Chapter Three

Rallying the Troops

_Despite the fact that all of Gryffindor was sitting in the common room, it was remarkably silent. After the humiliation of breakfast, it had been decided that retaliation was in order. And Harry Potter, Captain of the Quidditch team, along with Hermione Granger--Head Girl--and Ron Weasley--Prefect--had assumed command, and were currently plotting an organized and strategic attack._

**The silence permeated the Slytherin common room as every Slytherin watched the Head Boy--Draco Malfoy--and his two lieutenants--Pansy Parkington, Prefect, and Neil Armstrong, Captain of the Quidditch team--eye them with a look of grim determination. After the revenge that the three had wrought on the Gryffindors earlier that day, it had been decided that a plan was needed to anticipate the attack they were certain the Gryffindors would execute.**

_Harry was currently pacing in front of the assembled Gryffindors, each watching him with rapt attention. He stopped and turned to face them, a look of grim determination on his face. "We all know why we're here," he began quietly._

**"Those Gryffindor scum are going to attack, and we need a plan to be ready." **

_"Those Slytherin bastards have humiliated us in front of the entire school, and they won't stop with dance routines." _

**"They are too arrogant to see that it was a much needed lesson in humility."**

_"They need to be taught a lesson."_

**"Who better to teach them that lesson than the greatest house in Hogwarts--Slytherin!" The silence was shattered by the roar of applause that followed. When the cheers had stopped, Draco spoke again."**

_"If need be, then we will teach them more than one lesson they will never forget. And it will be us--the brave and the courageous Gryffindors who will make sure it's a lesson they learn!" The Gryffindors cheered wildly, and it was some time before they quieted enough for Harry to speak once more."_

"No doubt they are trying to organize as we speak. But they will not be successful."

**"They have not the talent nor the greatness that we possess. It will be their undoing." Another round of applause followed this stirring speech. The cheers died down and Draco continued.**

_"They have not the talent, nor the cohesion that we possess. It will be their undoing." More applause was heard, and Harry waited patiently for them to quiet down._

**"We will show them--and the other houses--what greatness really is. We will best them in this game, this prank war that **_**they**_** started, and then we will be the undisputed champions of Hogwarts!" The roar that followed was deafening, but he continued.**

_"We will show them--and the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws--what teamwork and bravery can accomplish. We will be victorious in this prank war that they created from a mere joke, and then we will not have to endure their arrogance one moment longer." This was answered with enthusiasm, but he kept on._

**"You will all be called upon to perform duties in the name of Salazar Slytherin." He had their attention now, and the common room had descended into silence once more. He eyed them grimly.**

_"You will all be called upon to play a part in the name of Godric Gryffindor." The cheering subsided as the assembled Gryffindors focused once again on what Harry was saying._

"It may involve danger, and some of you could get caught, get detention or points taken from our house."

**Draco noticed some of the first years looking a bit frightened at the prospect. "But when the time comes, you will all do your best because you are Slytherins and Slytherins are not frightened of greatness!" There was another round of uproarious applause.**

_Harry noticed some of the first years fidgeting at his words, but he worked to reassure them. "But the house points and the Quidditch matches won't matter, because something bigger and more important is at stake here. What is at stake is the honor and integrity of every Gryffindor that has come before, and all that will follow!" There was wild approval at his words._

**"And when all is said and done, and those Gryffindors come to see that we are great and they are not, well, that will be worth more than all the house points and Quidditch matches in the world!"**

_"And when all is said and done, it is our bravery and our courage that define us more than House or Quidditch Championships. And those Slytherins will come to know that, if it takes a hundred pranks!"_

"So if it's a war they want, then it's a war they'll get!"

**With this the Slytherins were on their feet, applauding and cheering as loudly as they could.**

_With this the Gryffindors were on their feet, cheering and applauding so loudly that the ceiling would have caved had it not been for all the magical enhancements._

***

It was after the big meeting, and Larissa and Ginny had made their way to a little-known classroom, knowing without needing to say a word that they needed to talk about what had just happened.

They walked in and, making sure they were alone, turned to each other, worry etched in their faces.

"What have we started?" Ginny asked, sounding a little despaired.

Larissa just shook her head, unable to comprehend how a minor prank had gotten so out of hand. The two were quiet as they recalled the scene that had just taken place in the Gryffindor common room. Harry had looked for all the world like a general ready to lead his troops into battle. It would have been amusing if the situation weren't so dire.

"Maybe," Ginny mused aloud, "it won't be so bad. Maybe this thing won't get out of hand."

Larissa snorted cynically at the comment and shook her head. "The moment we get them back--which we're obviously going to do, else General Potter wouldn't have given such a stirring call to arms--they're going to get us back even worse. This thing is going to be a nightmare."

"Yeah, I know, but a girl can hope."

"Ever the optimist, eh Gin?"

She sighed. "Yeah, but I'm not very optimistic of the chance of this thing ending after the next prank."

"That's called realism, dear."

"Right." The room was quiet once again. Ginny sighed loudly, and started pacing the room. "We started this thing. We have to end it, quickly."

"Agreed, but I'd like to know what you've got in mind."

"What if we just admitted to pulling the first prank? Draco only started this thing because he thinks Ron, Harry, and Hermione pulled it."

Larissa looked like she was working it out in her head. "No, because he'd have gotten us back instead. That could have been ten times worse."

"I suppose you're right. There's got to be something though."

"We might just have to let this thing take its natural course."

"Perhaps. The professors won't let this thing go on indefinitely, will they?" She got excited as she thought this out. "They'll have to stop this nonsense soon, especially if either house gets elaborate and endangers something, or breaks a rule."

"Yeah, so? We could be at this thing for months if we wait for them to stop it."

"No, don't you see! We get someone to pull a prank that breaks a rule or maybe we can fake an injury, and then the Headmaster will have to put an end to it!"

"It could work," Larissa said slowly, almost afraid to get her hopes up. "But how are you going to convince the General to break a rule. He seems hell bent on teaching the Slytherins a lesson."

Ginny looked over at Larissa. "We may have to take the fall ourselves. Hell, we could become martyrs for the cause or something."

"Maybe."

"Look, we still have plenty of time to think this out. Let's work on this tomorrow, after classes."

Larissa sighed. "Alright. We'll have a go at it then."


	4. The First Battle

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_A/N: Well, I'm back to humor in this chapter. But this chapter demonstrated to me that I am in dire need of a beta reader. Mostly what I need is someone I can bounce ideas off of, someone who is very good with character (as that is my biggest weakness), who is reasonably decent with grammar and spelling (though this isn't a big deal, as I'm more than capable of handling that), and who isn't afraid to be constructively critical. And, if it matters, I'm even willing to volunteer my beta/editing skills in return (yeah, I know, I just went off on how I need one, but I'm a decent editor, especially when it comes to plot and technical stuff). So, anyone interested, please e-mail me at [peaceglow9@aol.com][1]. Thanks. Anyway, here's the next bit._

_Disclaimer: See Chapter One._

**Prank Warfare**

**by Onedergirl**

**Chapter Four**

**The First Battle**

A formal declaration took place the next morning. Harry--flanked by Ron and Hermione--and Draco--flanked by Pansy and Neil--met between their respective house tables. They both understood without saying a word, what was going on. Bowing slightly, their eyes never left the other's face. They straightened and walked away from each other, and the message was clear to the entire school. It was war.

The representatives of Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw had gone on the record as neutral, though Justin Finch-Fletchley pulled Hermione aside and-off the record-offered assistance if it were needed.

Hermione replied that she would have to bring the matter to Harry's attention. She confided to him, however, that she was confident some sort of arrangement could be worked out.

Ravenclaw was more committed to their neutrality, even offering to help negotiate a peaceful settlement. They were politely--but firmly--refused.

What surprised all parties was the indifference of the professors to the whole thing. They might have understood if they'd known that there was a considerable amount of money on the outcome. 2-1 odds that Gryffindor would defeat Slytherin. The potential financial rewards were too great for the professors to be keen to put a premature stop to it.

***

That night, after dinner, Ginny and Larissa met up in the deserted classroom that evening. Their faces were grim, what with war having been declared and all. 

"So," Larissa said, "do you have any ideas about how to end this thing? Because I've been thinking about it all day, and the only thing I can come up with is that one of us might have to leak some information."

Ginny shook her head. "I can't think of anything, beyond faking an injury, leaking information to the enemy," at this, Ginny made a sour face, "or one of us breaking a school rule-a big one. Even worse, I wouldn't have the slightest idea of how to go about any of them."

Larissa sighed. "Well, perhaps we ought to just enjoy humiliating the Slytherins with the next prank, then come up with something."

In response, Ginny smirked slightly. "Yeah, maybe you're right. The next one ought to be a good one. Harry, Ron, and Hermione have spent their entire lunch break in the library." Her face turned a little more serious. "Ok, one more prank. Then we get to work on ending this thing." She went slightly red. "I don't think I could stand to go through that humiliation . . . with Harry . . . again."

Larissa nodded in understanding. "Ok, Gin. Let's get back to the common room." Her face assumed a cynical smile. "Wouldn't want to keep the troops waiting if the general is planning a staff meeting."

Ginny's face turned even pinker as they headed back to the common room. "I wish you wouldn't call him that," she mumbled to her friend, who just grinned evilly in response.

***

The entire school waited with baited breath for the Gryffindors to answer what became known as the Gryffindor Dance Off of '97. A week passed, but the Gryffindors remained very low key, not drawing any attention to themselves, aside from the occasional glower at their enemies.

The Slytherins maintained constant vigilance, not fooled by the Gryffindors' silence. Draco ran a tight ship and, for the most part, the Slytherins were on alert 24/7. A small minority, however, was beginning to lose their nerve, wondering when the next prank would come.

Their questions were answered two weeks after the declaration of war. Everyone was eating breakfast in the Great Hall. The Gryffindors were chatting amongst themselves, paying no mind to anyone else. The Slytherins were warily eyeing the Gryffindors, their wands at the ready. The Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws (and, indeed, the professors) were watching the two rival houses, wondering if this would be the day that the Gryffindors would strike back.

It was halfway through breakfast that it happened. Draco Malfoy, who had been watching his nemesis intently throughout the meal, had felt something land on his foot, and he looked down to investigate. This proved to be a mistake.

At that moment, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Dean, Seamus, Ginny, and Larissa brought their wands to bear on the Slytherins, and began to mutter a variety of spells. At the sound of their voices, jets of colored light shot from their wands and impacted the Slytherins, who had been reaching for _their_ wands. 

They had not been quick enough, and the result was rather remarkable. The Slytherins looked down to find that they were wearing odd clothes-obviously Muggle. The girls were wearing dresses out of a very ugly floral print that seemed too heavy to be normal for clothes, and their hair was either in pigtails or in braids. The boys were wearing overalls that ended at their knees. Underneath the overalls, they were wearing Muggle shirts, both of which were made out of the same material as the girls' outfits.

Draco Malfoy, however, was not dressed like the other boys. He, like the girls, was wearing a dress, but it was made out of lighter material, and was a rather happy shade of yellow. His normally short white-blonde hair had become a more reddish golden color and had grown out to approximate a bob. In his hand, he clutched a guitar.

The rest of the students barely had time to process this information before Malfoy began to strum the guitar. The other Slytherins, much to their embarrassment, crowded around him eagerly.

Pansy Parkington piped up with a cheerful voice. "Teach us how to sing!" She turned red afterwards, quite embarrassed.

Draco was red too when he replied, much more cheerfully than he had ever said anything in his life. "Alright then!" Only his eyes shone with the utter horror and revulsion he felt, as the rest of his face was twisted into his equivalent of a wide smile. Then he began to sing. Joyfully.  


> _"Do, a deer, a female deer,  
Re, a drop of golden sun.  
Mi, a name I call myself,  
Fa, a long, long way to run."_

Here, the pace started to pick up and the Slytherins found, to their horror, that they were swaying in time to the music and grinning merrily.

> _"So, a needle pulling thread!  
La, a note to follow So!  
Ti, a drink with jam and bread!  
That will bring us back to Doe."_

Much against their will, the Slytherins stood up and, lining up behind Malfoy, began to sing with him.

_"Do, a deer, a female deer,"_

The Slytherins, with Malfoy in the lead, began a spirited procession around their table.

_"Re, a drop of golden sun."_

The procession snaked its way to the Ravenclaws' table.

_"Mi, a name, I call myself,"_

They were skipping around it.

_"Fa, a long, long way to run!"_

The procession moved towards the Hufflepuffs, who were trying to keep the delight and amusement off their faces. And failing miserably.

_"So, a needle pulling thread!"_

They even had hand gestures to match the lyrics.

"La, a note to follow So!"

They frolicked past the table where the Professors were, towards the Gryffindors, who were roaring with laughter.

_"Ti, a drink with jam and bread!"_

They had reached the Gryffindors and had organized themselves in an eye-pleasing manner, which was made even more pleasant by the cute little dance steps they did.

_"That will bring us back to Do!"_

The last note was held quite a lengthy amount of time. When it finally died, the only sounds one could hear were the loud laughs of the Gryffindors, along with some sniggers from the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws.

The Slytherins were silent, eyeing the Gryffindors with an odd combination of hatred, horror, embarrassment, a smidgen of fear, and another healthy dose of hatred for good measure.

Amidst the gales of laughter and mocking applause of the Gryffindors, the Slytherins quietly filed out of the Great Hall, eager to change.

Draco Malfoy was already plotting revenge, enraged at the prank. As he made his way to the Slytherin common room, he thought angrily that the Gryffindors hadn't even had enough honor to change him back to normal.  


   [1]: mailto:%20peaceglow9@aol.com



	5. Sneak Attack

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_A/N: Thought I'd forgotten about this, didn't you? Hardly. Just had writer's block, that's all. And I'd like to take this opportunity to give a great big thank you to everyone who reviewed the final chapter of Written in the Stars. Thanks for all the birthday wishes. It was, indeed, a good day :). Now, on to this story. Well, I hope you guys like this. I want to thank Paula and Nathan for all their help with this. Well, that's all I really have to say. Here we go._

**Prank Warfare**

**by Onedergirl**

**Chapter Five**

**Sneak Attack**

Draco wasted no time calling his closest advisors to order. He looked around him at the other four. "That was an outrage!"

Pansy nodded her head. "We were skipping and frolicking!" she moaned, turning pale at the memory.

Neil looked at the others. "That was a low blow and they know it!"

Draco nodded his head. "Agreed. We need to strike back at them quickly, with something even more humiliating."

"What's more humiliating than skipping and frolicking in public?!" Pansy was close to tears.

"That's what we're going to have to figure out, and fast. We need to put the attention back on them," Draco answered.

The room was silent. After a moment, Neil smirked to himself.

"An idea Neil?"

"Yeah," Neil said, grinning evilly.

"What is it?" Pansy asked.

He told them.

***

Two shadows crept into the dungeon, one holding a box from which the occasional clink was heard.

"Where are they?" one whispered to the other.

"Snape always sticks them in that cupboard over there," the other whispered in response.

The two figures moved silently to the cupboard and tried opening it manually. It was locked. "_Alohomora_," one of the shadows muttered, resulting in the cupboard door swinging open.

They looked around until they found what they were looking for--ten vials marked with red marker. Stealthily they replaced the vials with ten identical ones, then shut and locked the cupboard door. The whole thing had taken less than five minutes, and then the two shadows were gone.

***

Breakfast the next morning was an extremely tense affair. The Gryffindors were bleary-eyed and on edge, having been up all night on watch duty. 

The Slytherins, it seemed, were still slightly upset about the "singing lesson" prank. Well, ok, maybe "slightly upset" isn't quite strong enough a phrase. "Livid" would be closer, and "homicidal" would be just about accurate.

In any case, the two houses put some of the Muggle-borns in mind of a traditional western shoot-out. Each side was just waiting for the other to so much as look at them wrong so they could grab their wands and curse them into next week.

Despite the tension--which made the other houses uneasy--nothing happened. At least, not during breakfast. To make matters worse for the Gryffindors--the seventh years in particular--the first class of the day was Double Potions. With Snape. And the seventh year Slytherins.

When breakfast was over, the seventh year Gryffindors stood and began to trudge as a pack towards the dungeons, where Potions class took place. The rest of the Gryffindors, as well as some of the older Hufflepuffs, looked on with empathy.

The soldiers on the death march--er, the seventh year Gryffindors took as long as they dared in getting from the Great Hall to the dungeon. But get there they did. Unfortunately. They sat as far from the Slytherins as they could while still being in the same room, and eyed their rivals warily.

The tension in the room shot up astronomically when Snape began the day's lesson. It was a continuation of last time's lesson, about energy potions. During that lesson, they had brewed the Energia Potion--meant to provide a burst of energy to the drinker--and they were to test them this lesson.

The first half of class went along more or less as usual. The Gryffindors were sitting quietly and studiously taking down their notes while Snape called on them and took points away for getting correct answers.

It was during the second half of class--the practical part--that disaster, or, more precisely, the Slytherins struck.

Snape had been particularly evil the previous lesson, when they had brewed their potions, paring Harry with Draco, Ron with Neville, and Hermione with Pansy.

The entire class had collected their potions and prepared to test them. All they were waiting for was Snape to give the word. He eyed the assembled students. "Test your potions," he told them. 

The students took their vials, opened them, and quickly downed the contents. The results were instantaneous and radically different, depending on the house the drinker was from. The Slytherins, once they had finished gagging, were physically incapable of standing still. Some were bouncing from foot to foot; others had begun to pace. Still others were fiddling with anything they could get their hands on. It probably would have been highly amusing to the Gryffindors--had they not been preoccupied with their own lack of reaction to the potion. Vocally preoccupied. All at once.

"I wonder what happened?"

"Oh my! I must have done something wrong! Pansy's potion worked. But I just know I brewed it correctly . . . "

"Oh no, not again. I hope Professor Snape doesn't realize my potion didn't work. I don't want to get another Howler from Gran . . . "

"Why is everyone talking to themselves? It's like they're saying everything they're thinking . . . "

Professor Snape was glaring at the Gryffindors. "Quiet!" he hissed. But the din of confused voices just got louder.

"Please don't look at me, please don't look at me . . . "

"I remember I put the crushed sunflower root in before the orange peel, just like the instructions said . . . "

" . . . in a green dress, in a green dress . . . "

"Why is everyone still talking? Snape'll take points off if they don't shut up . . . "

The Slytherins began to laugh loudly at the utterly bewildered Gryffindors, but the laughter died down when Snape shot an admonishing look at them. He turned to stare at the Gryffindors, a piercing gaze taking in the mélange of voices. But then a malicious smirk crossed his face. "The Cogitoris Potion," he said quietly, while surveying the Gryffindors. "Can anyone tell me what the Cogitoris Potion does?" he asked the room at large.

The din of voices grew a little quieter as most just vocally hoped that Snape wouldn't call on them. Hermione's hand had raised when Shape had asked the question, her face pale. But she spoke as though to herself. "The Cogitoris Potion . . . causes the drinker to vocalize every single thought he or she has. That must be why everyone keeps talking. But how is that even possible? We didn't even have the all the proper ingredients to make that potion . . . "

The Gryffindors' babble took on a very nervous quality.

"We say everything we think? Oh no. Ok, ok, just don't think about Hermione, or how pretty she is . . . um, Quidditch! Yes, I can't wait until the first game . . . I hope I do well as Keeper . . . "

"What'll I tell Gran?! I'll get a Howler for sure . . . "

"I'll bet those dirty Slytherins did this, just to get back at us for that harmless singing prank! Well, at least it isn't dancing this time . . . or kissing Ginny . . . no, don't think about that, what if Ron hears me? He'll kill me for sure . . . something else . . . got to think of something else . . . "

"What am I going to do? There's no antidote to this! What if I accidentally think about Ron--ack! Shut up, just shut up! Don't think about him . . . "

Snape regarded the chaos coldly. He spoke quietly, but the still chattering Gryffindors were able to hear him. "Fifty points from Gryffindor for brewing the wrong potion . . . " There were horrified gasps from the Gryffindors. "Fifty points for speaking out of turn . . . " The gasps had become cries of indignation and outrage. "And fifty points for disobeying a professor."

The Gryffindors, unable to stop themselves, were shouting their protests, while the Slytherins looked on with glee and not a small amount of smugness. Even Neville had joined in, despite his fear of getting a Howler, and his fear of Professor Snape.

Unable to stop the assault of voices, Professor Snape cancelled the rest of class, forcing the Gryffindors into the Great Hall. They were unable to go back to their common room because the Slytherins kept trailing them.

Eventually the potion wore off, but not before they had found out all kinds of things about the seventh year Gryffindors. And certainly not before the entire school had witnessed what truly went on in the minds of the seventh year Gryffindors. They'd heard all about Neville's teddy bear, Parvati's diet, Hermione's fear of flunking her classes, and a lot about who most of the seventh year Gryffindors were crushing on or dating. It had been most enlightening, and the Slytherins were taking notes, seeing the opportunity to use the information later.

When the rest of the Gryffindors found out what had happened--at lunch--they were outraged, particularly when they heard that Snape had taken one hundred and fifty points away from Gryffindor, for what was obviously the Slytherins' fault. 

Needless to say, all of the Gryffindors were ready to get revenge on the Slytherins. It was only a matter of time before they would strike.  



	6. Special Ops

Prank Warfare Chapter 6

_A/N: It's been a rather extended hiatus for me, but I was having trouble with this chapter. I'd like to thank Paula for being the slave driver that she is, and for all the wonderful comments I've gotten on this story and my others. That's pretty much all I have to say right now. I hope this chapter amuses everyone out there._

**Prank Warfare**

**by Onedergirl**

****

**Chapter Six**

**Special Ops**

The situation had become much more dire after the Slytherins' last prank—or, at least, it had to Ginny. After the scene caused by the constantly chattering Gryffindors, she had pulled Larissa—who had secretly found the situation somewhat amusing and upsetting at the same time—aside and the two had arranged to meet in one of the empty classrooms to discuss their next move.

Ginny was just wondering what could possibly be keeping her friend and partner-in-crime when Larissa burst into the room. Her face was flushed, she was panting with exertion and tiny wisps of her mousy brown hair floated wildly around her face. But what Ginny noticed most were Larissa's eyes—which were lit with triumph—and her wide, smug smile. Ginny gave her friend a quizzical look, to which Larissa spoke, in between trying to catch her breath. Ginny! I'm sorry I'm late, she gasped, but I just heard the most _interesting_ news.

Ginny eyed her friend incredulously, wondering what could possibly have gotten the normally cool and level Larissa so excited. What is it? she asked carefully.

Larissa walked fully into the room, closing the door behind her, and jumped up onto one of the desks, her face still split into the smug smile she'd run into the room with. she began, clearly itching to tell Ginny everything, but also realizing the value of suspense. Do you remember that first Slytherin prank when you and Potter ballroom danced on the table and then—

I remember! Ginny interrupted quickly, flushing in spite of herself.

Larissa's grin turned positively mischievous. I thought so. Anyway, guess what?

Not sure she was in the mood for guessing games—particularly after being reminded of one of the most humiliating events of her short life—Ginny merely shot her friend a Look, which convinced Larissa to continue. Leaning closer to Ginny, Larissa lowered her voice conspiratorily. Well, the word is that Harry Potter fancies you.

Whatever Ginny had expected Larissa to say, it sure wasn't that. She blinked uncomprehendingly. 

Larissa nodded, her eyes alight with excitement. It's true. Apparently, he was thinking about that kiss you two shared—and of course he said it out loud, being under the influence of that potion.

Ginny was having a hard time processing this information. It just seemed—to use the first expression that came to mind—bloody unlikely. Ginny had long ago come to the conclusion that the good, great, famous Harry Potter could never fancy her. It had gone some way to allowing her to move on with life and to get over her silly crush on him. And, make no mistake, it was just a silly crush. Nothing more at all. Really.

Larissa was watching her expectantly, in a sort of half-smug, half-excited fashion, and Ginny—despite herself—had to know how her friend had acquired this information. Ginny just couldn't imagine that Larissa had found out from Harry himself. How do you know?

she began with relish, I was just talking to Colin—you know how he is, Harry Potter this, Harry Potter that'—and he heard all about it from Parvati, who apparently told anyone in the common room who'd listen that she'd heard it directly from Neville, who was actually there! Larissa finished with a flourish, obviously proud of herself at being the bearer of good news.

But to Ginny, it wasn't good news. She could literally feel the hopes that she had unwillingly built up at first hearing Larissa's pronouncement deflate when hearing the explanation of just how this information had been passed from person to person. There was no telling what exactly Neville thought he'd heard, and Ginny was almost positive that Parvati—the gossip queen of Gryffindor—had no doubt embellished what she'd heard from Neville, and she was sure that Larissa had probably summarized Colin's version. It was like a bad game of fire chat—a perfectly sensible statement being misheard and twisted by each person in the line until, when it reached the end, it was nonsensical and totally unrelated to the original statement.

Ginny looked at Larissa, who was obviously waiting for some kind of response. So she gave it to her. She started chuckling. You can't honestly tell me that you believe that, she said. Larissa just looked at her, so she elaborated. I mean, Neville isn't always the most reliable person in the world—he can hardly remember where he put his Rememberall half the time—and you should know by now that Parvati makes half the stuff that comes out of her mouth up anyway. Nevermind that the only reason Colin was paying attention at all was because Harry's name was mentioned. He probably missed anything that didn't contain Harry's name in the sentence. Besides that, I'm sure Ron was sitting near Harry at the time, and if Harry had said anything of the sort, there would be a tell tale bruise somewhere on his person, which there isn't. It's all a bunch of rubbish, and I'd rather focus on something that isn't fiction, thank you very much.

Larissa was a bit stunned by her friend's tirade, but rather unsurprised by the sentiments expressed. She'd had the feeling, even as she literally sprinted to the meeting room, that Ginny wouldn't believe her. It was something that Larissa didn't fully understand. Though she was not at all gullible, she knew that if the shoe had been on the other foot, and Ginny had been the one to rush in the room with news, Larissa would have been inclined to believe her friend. Obviously, Ginny was scared of getting her hopes dashed. It was up to her to take matters into her own hands and get down to the bottom of this rumour. That was going to mean getting close to the source itself—or, rather, himself—and she had a brainstorm: what better way then by helping him plan the next prank?

***

Ginny had already moved on to talking about how to stop the war. Larissa was only half listening and occasionally adding in her thoughts. She was more concerned with coming up with a plan to take to Harry, and how to get him to open up to her. They were hardly friends. The discussion about their options to put a stop to the war was going nowhere fast, something that Larissa was rather grateful for. It made coming up with ideas somewhat easier, but she was still stumped. She already knew how she was going to get information from Potter—she was going to barter for it. She would provide him with the next prank and she would force him to answer her question—or questions—honestly. Her problem was the actual prank. It had to be something good if she had any hope of getting any information from him. And, to her eternal relief, her best friend unknowingly provided her with the answer.

They had been wrapping the conversation up, no closer to a solution, when Larissa turned the conversation back to Harry Potter.

Humour me for a second and clear something up for me: why are you so sure that Harry couldn't possibly fancy you? Larissa was pretty sure she knew the answer, but she wanted to hear it from Ginny herself.

Ginny sighed the sigh of the long suffering. How could she possibly explain that Harry being interested in her _that_ way was about as likely as suddenly sprouting a second head—without magic, mind—or Hermione falling madly in love with someone like Ron. In other words, utterly impossible and against all the laws of nature.

Look, it's . . . she sighed again, and attempted to organize her thoughts. She started over. It would be like the world turning on its head. It's just not . . . the way it's supposed to be, I guess. Ginny looked over at Larissa, desperately hoping that the latter understood what she was trying to say. By the look on Larissa's face, she rather guessed that she had missed the mark. Larissa opened her mouth to say something, but Ginny just wanted to finish the conversation and go to bed. So she spoke quickly. she yawned, admittedly one that was a bit exaggerated, let's get back to Gryffindor. I'm rather knackered and would like to knock off at a decent hour tonight.

Fine, fine, Larissa replied, and followed Ginny towards Gryffindor. But, she thought: Yep, definitely afraid. I'll have to do something about that. But what, exactly?

And then she thought: . . . the world turning on its head'? Hmmm . . . .

***

Harry was sure that the note hadn't been there a moment ago. He was quite certain on this point. And yet . . . it was undeniably there, poking out of his Transfiguration book. He blinked at it. Yep. Still there. He glanced surreptitiously around him. As far as he could tell, he was the only one in the library. He mentally shrugged and grabbed for the slip of parchment. He opened it, and immediately became suspicious at just how mysterious the contents were:

> > _Potter—_
>> 
>> _Thought you could use a little help with your war. Meet me at the Astronomy Tower tonight at 1.30. Bring no one. Tell no one._

It was obvious what he would do. He wouldn't go. Well, he wouldn't go alone. Of course he would tell Ron and Hermione about it, and then both of them could hide under the Invisibility Cloak. Harry eyed the note again. Then again, Hermione might try to talk him and Ron out of it. After all, it did look very suspicious. He wouldn't blame her really, but he felt that this could pay off big if it were legitimate. Ron would agree. So they could just fill her in after they met with this mysterious person. Of course, it wasn't very fair to tell Ron and not Hermione. After all, they were both his best friends. So he would just tell them both about it . . . after he met with this person. It was a lead and this person could have come up with a brilliant prank—which is more than he could say about his, Ron's and Hermione's best efforts. Still, there was no point in being stupid about the whole thing. So, just in case, he would take his wand. Just to be on the safe side. His mind made up, he went back to his homework.

***

After a rather uneventful evening, Harry retired to his bed and quietly got out his Invisibility Cloak and drew the curtains around his bed to wait for 1.15, when he figured he should leave to get to the Astronomy Tower at the appointed time. He had to admit to feeling very apprehensive at going into a possibly dangerous situation without telling anyone, but he had a feeling that things would work out ok, and he saw no reason to not trust his instincts.

As he mused upon certain topics—and completely avoided thinking about others—he listened to the sounds of the rest of his dorm mates getting ready for bed and then, eventually, falling asleep. At last, just after 1.00, he heard Ron begin his trademark snore—the one that made the rest of his dorm mates wish they were strong enough to put a decent silencing charm on him—and Harry realized the time had come. He quickly threw on his Invisibility Cloak and made his way out of his room and down the steps to the common room, which was thankfully empty at this time of night. Without pause, he reached the portrait and swung it open, allowing him to head for the Astronomy Tower.

He stealthily made his way through corridors, up winding staircases, and to the tower without incident. He quietly pushed open the wooden door and glanced around. Standing near the turrets, barely illuminated by the starlight, was a figure. He moved out further and closed the door behind him. The sound of the door shutting was loud enough to alert the figure to his presence, so he removed his Invisibility Cloak and moved closer. He stopped a few feet away from the other person just as they turned around.

"Larissa?!"

She nodded tersely at him. "Potter."

Her reaction just angered him. Why couldn't she have just pulled him aside in the common room or something? Why did she drag him out of the castle at this hour? In other words, why all the secrecy?

"What is it?" He had to admit, he was being short with her. They had never gotten along very well, so that added with his displeasure at the way she had handled their meeting, was enough to make him have very little patience.

"I've thought up a brilliant prank, and I know you're looking for a good one."

There was something about the way she said it that immediately put Harry on guard. He could tell she wanted something in return. "What's the catch?"

Her look was half incredulous and half assumed innocence. "What makes you think there's a catch?"

He shot her a Look. "I can tell. So, let's have it."

She sighed exasperatedly. "Fine. I tell you my idea and, in exchange, you answer one question truthfully."

Harry regarded her warily. "Is that all?"

"That's all. And I promise you, it will be worth your while."

"What sort of question?"

"One that only you know the answer to. And," she added, seeing him opening his mouth to say something, "I'm not going to tell you anything else about it. You either see this through, or you tell me to get lost."

He contemplated her offer. How bad could it be? He didn't even want to go there. Still . . . he really had nothing to lose. "Alright," he finally said, though a bit grudgingly. "Let's get this over with. But I want to hear this idea of yours first."

She grinned at him, and he wondered if maybe he should have told her to get lost. It was too late now. "Fair enough," she answered, and proceeded to tell him her idea.

***

He had to admit that she'd come up with a pretty decent and--more importantly--a workable idea. Their main problem would be logistics. The timing would have to be just right in order to pull it off. They discussed their options until--at last--they had formulated a plan that was ready to be implimented that night. All that was left, Harry realized, was the question Larissa was going to make him answer. He didn't really know why he dreaded it. He'd faced Voldemort, the Dursleys, and Snape multiple times and had come away unscathed. What did he have to fear from a simple question?

He cleared his throat. Maybe she would forget all about it. "Are you ready then?"

"Almost," she replied. "There's just the small matter of the question."

Harry really wanted to groan, but he merely sighed and looked at her, waiting for her to continue.

She looked back at him, and then decided on the approach she had originally intended to use. The blunt approach. "Now," she began, "whatever you say, I promise I won't tell anyone, just so you know."

Harry nodded, though inside he was rather worried about what she was going to ask.

"Do you fancy Ginny?"

Harry nearly choked. Of all the questions he had figured she might ask, that definitely wasn't very high on the list. "What?" He wanted to make sure he'd heard her correctly.

She rolled her eyes at him. "Do you fancy Ginny?" she asked again, speaking slowly as though to a child.

He glared at her, and tried to stall for time. It was a sensitive issue that he hadn't even wanted to think about, let alone tell her best friend all about it. "What kind of a question is that?"

"A yes or no question. So answer it already."

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "And you won't tell anyone about it--not her brother, or Hermione, or _her_."

"I already told you I wouldn't."

"Alright." He started fidgeting as he tried to find what he wanted to say. "I'm not really sure," he said at length. He eyed her and she watched him back, obviously expecting more out of him. "Ever since that prank that the Slytherins pulled, she's been on my mind a lot more." He really didn't want to say anymore, but it didn't look like Larissa was satisfyied yet. He started pacing. "I keep thinking about her, and I don't know what that means." He stopped and looked at Larissa. "Do _you_ know what that means?"

She seemed taken aback that he would ask her this, but she recovered quickly. "No," she answered quietly, though a smile tugged at the corners of her lips. "I would guess, though, that it means that you might like her in more than a friendly way."

He was clearly uncomfortable with the thought, but he nodded--more to himself than what she had said. "I just don't know. I really just don't know."

She smiled a friendly smile at him. "I'm sure you will eventually. Now let's go get those Slytherins."

The two of them headed down towards the dungeons.

***

The next morning seemed different somehow though, if asked, Ginny would have a hard time pointing out exactly what was different about it. Maybe it was the fact that Larissa seemed to be incredibly secretive this morning. Or maybe it was the fact that she kept looking over at Harry and smirking. Ginny frowned. Now that she got a better look at Harry, he seemed to have purple smudges under his surprisingly dull green eyes. And, to make matters worse, he seemed to be smirking back at Larissa every once in awhile. She glanced back at her friend as they walked to breakfast. There was definitely something going on and, if there was one thing Ginny Weasley hated, it was being left out of the loop.

They made it into breakfast at some obscenely early hour. Larissa had insisted that they get up early and try to beat everyone to breakfast though, when Ginny asked what on earth for, Larissa would just smile secretively and wouldn't answer. It was getting really annoying.

Ginny sat between Ron and Larissa. Across from Ron, Hermione kept glancing between Larissa and Harry, as though she too was trying to figure out what was going on. Ginny caught Hermione's eyes and shrugged, to which Hermione responded with a shrug of her own. Ginny tried to put out the odd behavior of her best friend and her crush, and began to eat her breakfast, while the conversation drifted towards the potions incident the other day.

Another odd thing: Harry and Larissa seemed to be awfully quiet when the conversation turned to the Cogitus potion incident. Ginny was just pondering why that was when Draco Malfoy, along with the rest of the Slytherins, entered the Great Hall. Ever since the war began, the Gryffindors--indeed, the entire school--paid special attention to when the Slytherins entered the Great Hall. On this occasion, though, it would have been difficult to not notice their entrance. For as soon as they crossed into the room, they stopped dead, looks of utter fright on their faces. The Gryffindors watched in amused fascination as some of the younger Slytherins dropped to the ground and spread eagled on it, almost as if they were clinging to the floor for dear life. In fact, that's exactly what it looked like. Their interest was piqued when nearly all of the Slytherins started looking up at the ceiling in shock and fright.

The Gryffindors weren't the only ones watching in barely contained amusement. The Hufflepuffs were also very intrigued by the behavior of the Slytherins, particularly when Draco Malfoy--obviously trying to get control of the situation--told the rest of the Slytherins not to look down.

Ginny and the rest of the Gryffindors watched with growing amusement when Draco started edging his way towards the doors to the Great Hall.

"Don't look down!" he reprimanded the others as he made his way towards the doors.

"But we're on the ceiling!" Pansy wailed, setting off rioutous laughter from the entire Great Hall.

The rest of the Slytherins appeared to be in an advanced state of panic. Some looked as though they were holding onto the floor for dear life, while others were careful not to move a muscle. Still others were trying to follow Malfoy's lead and were inching towards the doors. It was really rather comical, to see the almost exaggerated fright of the Slytherins, particularly Crabbe, who was near tears and muttering something that sounded like, "Mummy."

Draco had finally reached his objective--the doors to the Great Hall--and suddenly he seemed much more confident about his footing. From just outside the doors, he glared at Harry, who looked rather like the proverbial cat who ate the mouse. And, just the add the Slytherin's ire, he gave a smug little wave that set all the Gryffindors at the table into another fit of hysterics.

If looks could kill, the great, good, wonderful Harry Potter would have died a staggering assortment of gruesome deaths. Instead of saying anything, however, Draco encouraged the rest of the Slytherins to make their way back to the doors. One by one, the Slytherins managed to overcome their fears and make it back to the doors, but not before many tears, especially from the girls, and even a few accidents from some of the younger students.

Once the last Slytherin had crossed the threshold and the illusion had disappeared, the Gryffindors were cheering Harry on for putting such a good prank over the Slytherins and the Slytherins headed back to their common room, but not before Draco gave Harry another hard stare. The only Gryffindor to notice was Ginny Weasley and she could tell that though there had been war before, it would be nothing like what was to come. 


	7. Letters From the Front

Untitled Document 

A/N: This is meant as a tribute to my favorite stories and authors (basically all of whom are on the QoHG list). I hope none of those mentioned take offense, as this is not meant to reflect anything about their personalities or real life situations. I wanted to include more, but I didn't want to make this unnecessarily long. So to everyone: please forgive me. That being said . . . *runs and hides*.

**Prank Warfare**

**by Onedergirl**

**Chapter Seven**

**Letters from the Front**

_Daddy,  
Hogwarts is more different than I thought. They do magic in all the halls and even at each other. I saw one boy turned into a red clipy. I even saw a boy my age wearing a skirt. It was very funny. I have learned loads of magic already too. I learned how to make a shield. When I do it right the spells bounce off it. Draco (he is this boy in 7th year) told me how to do it. He told me I was talented. School is very amusing. Tell John "hi" for me._

_Love,  
Carol._

_***_

_Dear Carrie,_

_Just got your owl. I haven't told you all of the awful things that have been happening here. The Gryffindors and the Slytherins have been involved in a prank war. Sometimes it's been pretty funny, like the time when all of the Slytherins were forced to speak in rhyme for a whole day. Sometimes it's been annoying, like the time the Gryffindors were forced to yodel, and sometimes it's been a bit dodgy, like the time when these rampaging clowns nearly killed Hermione Granger (Head Girl from Gryffindor). Things have gotten worse in the past few weeks though. Just a couple days ago Terry Boot was accidentally hit with a spell that transfigured him into a red hairpin. And he's not the only one. There have been others. We've tried to talk to the Slytherins and the Gryffindors, to get them to see reason and end this nonsense, but they won't hear of it.  
Enough of all that. On a happier note, I tried out to be Ravenclaw Keeper and I made the team! I'm very excited. Anyway, how is life in Austria? Have your nightmares gone? How is little Joshua doing? Do you have any plans for this summer? I was hoping my family and I could come and visit again. Owl me soon and update me._

_Sincerely,  
Monique._

_***_

_Sue,_

_It's about time you finally got around to owling me. Where on earth have you been and what have you been up to? You really need to get to a fireplace so that we can have a good long conversation. You simply have to tell me about this hearthrug you mentioned in your last letter. I want details.  
The big news here is that Robin finally asked got Marian to agree to marry him. I just got an owl from her yesterday. Apparently, he's proposed twice before, but she turned him down. Third time's magic, I guess. She said that they're going to some island to do it. It sounds absolutely brilliant.  
Oh, and Justin is finally working up the nerve to ask Padma Patil (7th year Ravenclaw) out. I keep telling him to just seize the day, but he's so incredibly nervous. He's really sweet, though, acting as if she were his beginning and end.  
In other news, the prank war between Gryffindor and Slytherin rages on. The pranks seem to be getting worse, and now "civilians" are being affected. Why, just the other day, Sue (5th year) was hit by a stray spell and transfigured into some kind of pickle sandwich. She still smells vaguely of pickles and she feels like she's lost all but a glimmer of hope that Michael Stewart (5th year Slytherin) will ever notice her. And last week, someone stole all of my socks. Honestly, if I ever find out who took them, I'll curse them into next week. Anyway, we simply must chat sometime. There's so much more going on. Owl me back with a time that's good for you._

_Imogen._

_***_

_Dear Mum, _

_School is going pretty well. The prank war has escalated in the last few weeks. I have managed to get through relatively unscathed, but Bobby Gordon hit poor Kevin with a rather strong cheering charm. It's been 8 days and it still hasn't worn off. To make matters worse, all the other kids keep calling him "Happy," and I don't think he much likes that. I wouldn't expect him to owl you about it though. He's rather sensitive about it.  
The only other item of interest is that I'm attempting to play matchmaker for my friend Ginny. She has quite a crush on Harry Potter, and I'm trying to get them together. I think they would make a lovely couple. I really wish I had some help though, like Ginny's twin brothers, but they finished school last year. Anyway, send my love to Dad._

_Love,  
Larissa._

_***_

_Dear Mum,_

_School is fine. Don't worry about Cece. She's doing well and is tops in her year. I have been looking out for her as best I can, but it's difficult since we're not in the same house. She's made some new friends this year (a few of them are male) and seems to be enjoying herself. Things have been rather difficult of late and with her being in Gryffindor and me in Slytherin, it's been hard for us to spend any time together. I'm sure you know all about it from her letters, so I'll spare you the details. Suffice to say that I will make more of an effort to see her in the future. Other than that, there is nothing of interest. I will owl you later._

_Neil._

_P.S. Please do not ask me to give her the quills and inkwells speech. That is your job, not mine, and I don't know that she'd want to hear it from me in any case._

_***_

_Dear Michael,_

_How have you been? I haven't seen you in ages. Hogsmeade weekend is next weekend. Do you think you'll be able to meet me there? Bring Gwenn and Edmund if you can. I miss them as well.  
I have to tell you about everything that has been happening here at Hogwarts. There has been an ongoing prank war between Gryffindor and Slytherin. I'm not exactly sure how it started, but it's been both frustrating and humourous. On the one hand, it's been virtually impossible to learn anything in the classroom. And there has been a problem with people from out house and from Ravenclaw being caught in the line of fire, so to speak. Terry got turned into a red hairpin and little Eric Jones was turned into a Scotsman-kilt and all. Still, some of the pranks have been amusing, like the one when some of the Slytherins were hit with a spell that made them all do these incredibly silly, bizarre walks. There was also the time when a few of the older Gryffindors were hit with some kind of drunkenness spell. I sure hope that didn't damage any friendships, if you know what I mean (nudge, nudge). Oh, and then there was this one when this prat Percy-7th year Hufflepuff who gets my vote for Upper Class Twit of the Year-was accidentally hit with a spell that made him paranoid about fruit. He insisted that the Hufflepuffs get training on how to defend themselves against attackers armed with various types of fruit. Completely mad, yet incredibly funny.  
So, tell me, how are Edmund and Darling as roomies? I do wish those two would quit sniping at each other. The same goes for Edmund and Gwenn. I just wish they'd get past it and realize how they feel for each other, especially after what happened New Year's Eve. Thank gods you and I were never like that. Anyway, maybe we could help them out? Well, owl me in a hurry so we can work something out. Later love.  
Love always,  
Anne_

_***_

_Father,_

_School is going well. I still have the highest marks in Potions. I received your last owl and will attempt to improve my other marks. No new news worth mentioning._

_Draco._

_***_

_Dear Aunt Paula,_

_I just received your owl last week and haven't had a chance to reply until now. Classes are going wonderfully, and are an exciting challenge. NEWT's are coming up-those are equivalent of degree exams at University-so I've been spending a fair amount of time studying for them.  
Though my studies have been progressing quite well, the same cannot be said for the situation with out rival house, Slytherin. The Slytherin pranks have become decidedly underhanded. Just last week, they turned poor Ron into a teakettle and made him sing a silly little song about it in front of the entire school. It took Harry and me three days to convince him to leave the boys' dormitory. I think he's still red from embarrassment.   
I wanted to thank you for your idea about the ballet. We arranged it so that Draco Malfoy and his cronies performed the Russian Dance from the Nutcracker. The pink tutus were an especially nice touch. Honestly, though, it's getting to the point where you can't walk down the halls without something happening to you. I already told you about the clowns, and just yesterday Harry's clothes were transfigured into a towel and tiara. I thought he would die of embarrassment and rage, and poor Ginny looked like she was going to pass out. Everything has gotten out of control, but I don't know how we're going to break out of the vicious cycle. Any ideas?  
I have to run, but I wanted to ask you one last question: I keep having this recurring dream about bouncing quarters. Seeing as you're a Muggle Psychiatrist, I was wondering if you could tell me what that might mean. Hope to hear from you soon._

_Love from,  
Hermione._

_P.S. Please don't say anything to my parents. You know how they can be._


	8. In Love and War

_A/N: Well, it's been kind of a long hiatus for me, but school and a writer's block were conspiring against me. I'd like to send a special shout out to Nathan and Marian for their helpful comments and insights. Without further ado, Chapter Eight._

**Prank Warfare**

**by Onedergirl**

**Chapter Eight**

**In Love and War**

It all started that morning at breakfast. Well, truth be told, it all started a few nights before, but Harry Potter was blissfully ignorant of that fact. No, as far as he was concerned, it all started that morning. There was nothing hinting at the utter humiliation that he would feel by the end of breakfast. There was nothing ominous or foreboding about the morning. As far as mornings went, it was rather unremarkable.

Unremarkable, that is, until he entered the Great Hall. He sat down--as usual--with Ron and Hermione, and began eating his normal breakfast of scrambled eggs, French toast, potatoes, and orange juice. He even began to indulge himself in what had become--of late--one of his favorite pastimes. That is, sneaking glances at Ginny Weasley when he thought no one was looking. It was just this activity that got him into trouble. Occupied as he was, he didn't notice a hand dart over his juice, drizzle a few drops of clear liquid in it, and then return from whence it came. Not only was Harry completely ignorant of this significant fact, but it had gone unnoticed by the rest of the Gryffindors as well, all of whom were too busy watching their own backs to watch out for someone else's.

Due to the situation, one can easily understand that Harry would drink his orange juice as though nothing was wrong. And that would explain what happened next.

The whole incident happened rather gradually. Harry's little glances in Ginny's direction developed into conspicuous, open-mouthed stares of adoration. By this point, even Ron and Hermione began to take notice.

"Harry? Harry!"

No answer for Ron, but Ginny was on the receiving end of a very ardent stare.

"Oi! Harry! You there, mate?"

Slowly, Harry's mouth shut and his head swiveled on his neck. Sluggishly, his eyes fixed on Ron with a dreamy, dazed expression that was beginning to unnerve Ron, who cleared his throat nervously. "Uh . . . you alright, Harry? You seem a little . . . ." Ron trailed off, at a loss for the right word to finish that sentence.

The question must have traveled at a somewhat more leisurely pace than the usual speed of sound, for it took an inordinate amount of time for Harry's response, which consisted of a sigh. This was no ordinary sigh, though. This was one of those very rare epic sighs, the kind that convey the very worst kind of pain--that of being used and abused by the woman of one's dreams. It was a sigh that was at once forlorn, melodramatic, and almost physically painful.

Whatever the sigh may have been, however, one thing was certain: it was not typical behavior for Harry Potter. Hermione and Ron exchanged a look of fear and confusion, and this time Hermione tried to get through to him. "Is there something wrong Harry?"

It seemed that this was--excuse the pun--the magic question. Harry seemed to see his friends for the first time as he answered.

"No, nothing's wrong. I have been meditating on the very great pleasure which a pair of fine eyes in the face of a pretty woman can bestow."1

Ron just looked confused at this answer, while Hermione looked like she was torn between laughing and crying. The worst part seemed to be that the rest of the Gryffindors were starting to take notice of Harry's rather peculiar behavior. Of course, in situations such as these--when it seems that things can't get any worse--they inevitably do.

Had Harry's affliction consisted merely of gawking at an increasingly embarrassed Ginny Weasley, they would have only suffered minor embarrassment, and perhaps Harry would have only been subject to dark looks from Ron. Perhaps no one but the Gryffindors and a few sharp-eyed students from other houses would have noticed. But this was not what happened.

What _did_ happen next was acutely embarrassing to the Gryffindors, not to mention incredibly demoralizing.

As if coming to a decision, Harry abruptly stood and, with the gait of a man on a mission, he strode around to the other side of the table, kneeling near Ginny.

She had been watching him since becoming aware that he was staring at her, and she had to admit, she watched him approach her with a little anxiety. But she was also secretly pleased. When he kneeled down beside her, her heart quickened, and she had to wonder if perhaps Larissa had been right, and he did fancy her. She didn't dare hope.

Ron watched his friend go with trepidation, wondering what on earth Harry planned to do. When he saw him kneel near his sister, his blood began to boil. Best friend or not, no one messed with his little sister. But before he could make a move, Harry began to speak. Loudly. And in a tone of voice and with the appropriate gestures that would have made a used broom salesman or a third rate Shakespearean actor proud.

"In vain have I struggled, but my feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you, dearest, loveliest Virginia."2

Her pleasure was quickly turning to horror. She'd always imagined such romantic words being whispered to her over a candlelight dinner, perhaps. As it was, he was yelling them in the most melodramatic tone of voice she'd ever heard. And in front of the entire school.

"Harry," she whispered urgently, "maybe this isn't the time or--"

He interrupted her, never seeming to hear her in the first place. His passion was flowing from him, and he couldn't stop now. "I awake from dreams of thee in the first sweet sleep of night, when the winds are breathing low and the stars are shining bright!"3

If he didn't have it before, he certainly now had the attention of everyone in the Great Hall. It was quiet enough to hear the birds chirping outside. And yet he continued, heedless of the frantic and pleading faces at his table, and able to be heard above the laughter that started quietly and rippled through the Slytherin table until the Slytherins alone made up for the total lack of noise from the rest of the school.

"But soft! What light there sits before me? It is the east, and fair Ginny is the sun!"4

That set the Slytherins off with a fresh wave of laughter, while the Gryffindors, to a man, tried to slump down and hide under the table. They were unsuccessful in hiding their beat red faces, though they tried.

Harry, meanwhile, paid no one in the room any attention--save Ginny, whom he looked at adoringly. "I ne'er was struck before this moment with love so sudden and so sweet,"5 he crowed, in what he obviously thought was a romantic way. This just caused even the somewhat sympathetic Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs to try and hold back their laughter.

He exhaled another sigh as Ginny tried desperately to find a place to hide. It wasn't working too well, considering that--apart from Harry--she was now the center of attention. She couldn't help but wish that Voldemort would attack.

But no such luck. Harry would not be deterred, even standing up and proclaiming his passionate feelings to the room at large, though his eyes never left poor Ginny.

"Nymph of the downward smile, and sidelong glance, in what diviner moments of the day art thou most lovely? 'Tis when thy ruby lips part sweetly and so remain, because thou listenest."6

In spite of her horror, Ginny couldn't help wondering if "listenest" was even a word.

Ron had been taking in the scene in stunned dismay. His best friend was sighing and spouting words of love . . . to his sister! It was very nearly too much. The only thing that kept Ron from dragging Harry out of the room and giving him what for was the knowledge that Harry had to be under some kind of spell. And so instead of directing his wrath at his best friend--whom he considered more or less innocent--he instead was devising creative ways in which to exact revenge for the humiliation of his sister, his best friend, himself, and the rest of the Gryffindors. Whoever had done this was going to be in for a fate worse than death, once Ron was done with him. He glanced over at Hermione, who looked utterly miserable, obviously feeling bad for Ginny and Harry, as well as the rest of Gryffindors.

She caught him glancing at her, and gave a sad shake of her head. "He's not even being original," she whispered to him.

Ron was not a little upset to hear this. After all, his best friend and his sister were being disgraced in front of the entire school and she had the gall to comment on what was actually being said! He was about ready to lash out at her when he noticed that she had returned her attention back to the train wreck that was Harry, and he realized that he really didn't know what to say in response to her anyway. He also turned his attention, unwillingly, back to Harry, who wasn't finished yet.

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways!"7 he cried, falling to his knees near Ginny and looking up at her with a face so desperate that its expression could be read in pea soup fog at thirty paces.

Ron chanced a glance at his sister, almost fearing to see her face. Ginny, for her part, had gone ashen. Her eyes were as wide as saucers, and she was gaping at Harry. Ron grimaced. Whoever had done this would **PAY!**

"I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears of all my life!"8 He looked at her imploringly, and continued. "There's something in the way you move that attracts me like no other."9

He must have thought that he was being suggestive. It sent the Slytherins to the floor, some fearing that they might die of laughter before Harry was finished.

"Everyday I love you more and more. I'll love you until the end of time."10 

He paused, and the howls of the Slytherins died down, everyone in the room curious as to what would happen next. It was quiet but for a moment before Ginny released a little squeak that sounded rather like a mouse being trod on, before bolting from her seat and racing out of the room.

The absence of Ginny seemed to break the quiet of the Great Hall, as well as the spell over Harry. As a result of the former, the decibel level of the Great Hall reached a fever pitch as the Slytherins relieved their favorite moments in pantomime-like fashion, while the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs gossiped and speculated what the Gryffindors would do in retaliation--or, indeed, if the Gryffindors would surrender. The Gryffindors remained the black hole of noise; all afraid to even look each other in the eyes because of the acute mortification they felt.

As a result of the latter, Harry stared at the door for a moment, before slowly making his way back to Ron and Hermione and slumping down into his seat. The three of them glanced at each other for a moment, wondering what on earth they were going to do now.

In the confusion and noise, nobody noticed two students quietly slipping out of the Great Hall.

*********

1 _Pride and Prejudice_ by Jane Austen.  
2 _Pride and Prejudice_ by Jane Austen.  
3 _Lines to An Indian Air_ (poem) by Percy Shelley.  
4 _Romeo and Juliet_ (II.ii) by William Shakespeare.  
5 _To G.A.W._ (poem) by John Keats.  
6 _To G.A.W._ (poem) by John Keats.  
7 _How Do I Love Thee_ (poem) by Elizabeth Barrett Browning.  
8 _How Do I Love Thee_ (poem) by Elizabeth Barrett Browning.   
9 _Something_ (song) written by George Harrison, performed by the Beatles.  
10 _Come What May_ (song) sung by Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman (from Moulin Rouge!)  
  



End file.
